Every once in a while a phrase comes along that takes me a while to wrap my head around. The phrase “holding space for someone” is the latest. This morning I heard an awesome discussion about what this phrase means on the podcast “Shattered Glass.” Kristen Bell and Monica Padman were describing their friendship and how when they aren’t at their most bright and shiny, the best of friends accept them and don’t try to fix them. The idea that as humans we aren’t always “on” but we can feel pressure to be “on” all the time.

I am lucky to have accumulated a lovely batch of varied humans in my life who are like this. They couldn’t be more different from each other. Men and women who all have their own unique recipe that makes them wonderful. All of them have this quality that I can happily now name. They accept me, and I accept them, in whatever state we find each other. No pressure to be a certain way.

One of the best side effects of having this in my life is I have more grace. Having people who hold space for me provides the deeply felt knowledge that it is ok for me to be in whatever mental state I find myself in. As a result, I feel more of that for people around me. I am no saint. I still get annoyed first at a bad haircut or an awkward interaction. But right behind that comes questions. I wonder if something is going on in their life. I wonder if someone is sick, or if they are lonely or frightened about something.

I often describe my approach to making friends as seeking open people who are different than me. It makes me question what I thought I knew, and opens my eyes to corners of myself that need to grow. I like the work of trying to be a better human. I think holding space for those we care about is a cornerstone of this. So, thank you Kristen and Monica for securing this term for me.